


palm of my hand

by words_unravel



Series: hs bingo prompt fills (2010 card) [24]
Category: Bandom, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Community: hs_bingo, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-19
Updated: 2010-12-19
Packaged: 2018-01-17 20:28:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1401412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/words_unravel/pseuds/words_unravel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[<i>prompt:</i> <span class="ljuser i-ljuser"></span><a class="i-ljuser-profile" href="http://hs-bingo.livejournal.com/profile"><img class="i-ljuser-userhead"/></a><a class="i-ljuser-username" href="http://hs-bingo.livejournal.com/"></a><b>hs_bingo</b> - graduation</p>
            </blockquote>





	palm of my hand

* * *

_[senior year/college]_

  
Ryan is beautiful and brilliant, a little messed up. And, Jon notes as he watches the three of them across the way, totally in love with his best friends. They're standing together, Spencer a bastion of apprehensive determination; Brendon, glued along his side, fear around the corner of his eyes; and Ryan, his face blank as Spencer talks.

Jon knows that Ryan's seen the way Spencer's fingers are entwined with Brendon's, even though most people paying any attention wouldn't catch it. He turns away from the scene, heading back inside to find his seat for the graduation.

It's nothing he doesn't already know anyway.

 

 

 

"You weren't surprised," Ryan says to him later, after the ceremony is over and they're back at the Smith's to celebrate. Everyone else is downstairs; the crowd of voices rising up to Spencer's bedroom. Brendon's parents had shown up fifteen minutes ago and he'd watched Ryan head out of the room almost immediately. Guilt was written on his face, but Spencer was already moving in, protective as always, and Jon knew that Ryan had seen that. When he'd slipped away, Jon followed him upstairs after him.

"Not really." Jon shrugs. He looks down at his bare toes, a bit sheepish, and adds, "I actually caught them making out in the hallway later that one night, after you'd passed out on the floor. I needed to take a piss and well, you know."

He shrugs again, looking hard at Ryan. "It's not like you didn't suspect."

The muscle in Ryan's jaw jumps and Jon steps closer. In a quiet voice, he says, "Ryan?"

"Yeah." Ryan nods jerkily. Jon just waits.

A minute later, Ryan slumps onto Spencer's bed. With a sigh, he tells Jon, "Brendon's pretty much been in love with Spencer since they met. I just–Spencer's more of a surprise."

Raising an eyebrow, Jon asks, "Really?"

"I guess not," Ryan breathes out after a moment. "Not really." He runs a hand over the back of his neck, chin on his chest. Sitting down next to him, Jon's close enough that Ryan barely moves his head when he glances over. "I didn't really think–It's not a lifestyle that I would have thought Spencer would choose. Maybe that's it? He dated a girl for nearly two years and Brendon was with Shane until he moved to L.A." He looks back down at his hands.

Jon has his mouth open to ask if Ryan's upset, which _yeah_ , when Ryan flops backwards. Jon twists, looking over his shoulder as Ryan sighs loudly.

Ryan's hair is a mess of curls against the bedspread. Jon kind of wants to run his hands through it. He leans back instead, slow, until he's sprawled by Ryan's side again. Glancing over, he finds Ryan watching him. He's got those stupid Bambi eyes, the ones that totally made Jon follow him around for two weeks in their photography class. Follow him until Ryan had finally given him the time of day. Since then Jon's done his best to keep Ryan as close as possible.

Maybe, just maybe, Jon knows a thing or two about unrequited love himself.

"Why are you so upset, Ry? The real reason," he adds as Ryan opens his mouth to answer. Ryan's mouth snaps closed and he rolls onto his side, the bed dipping a little with his movement. He's staring again and Jon has to make himself not look away, to keep his eyes as clear as possible. Ryan wiggles even closer until his head is lying on Jon's arm, his body a line of warmth against Jon's side.

Jon waits. Ryan's good at playing games; he'd picked that up almost immediately.

Ryan's gaze drops to his mouth for a second, then back up to his eyes. He licks his lips and Jon's so still it hurts. Ryan whispers, "Do you really want an answer to that question, Jon Walker?"

He knows he should put a stop to this, knows it so deep in his bones that they practically ache with it, but he doesn't say anything. It's been a really long year. Ryan lifts his head a little, brushing his mouth against Jon's. Jon doesn't move and Ryan pulls back, looking down at him. He leans in again.

This time, Jon parts his lips and Ryan takes advantage, licking into his mouth. Sliding a hand into those stupid curls, Jon tilts Ryan's head and deepens the kiss. There's a little moan, a press of hips against his side, and Jon can't help the thrill that goes through him. He lets himself get lost in it for a moment before tugging on the hair threaded through his fingers, before pulling Ryan away. His eyes are still closed, mouth obscene, red and wet. Jon swallows hard, fighting the urge to roll them over, press Ryan down into the bed and take advantage of the distraction that's being offered.

Instead, he simply answers, "Yes."

Ryan opens his eyes and looks down at Jon, confused. "What?"

"Yes, I do want to know the answer to that question." Ryan's face shuts down immediately. Jon revels in the slide of soft hair through his fingers as Ryan moves away. Sitting up, he presents Jon with the tense line of his back.

Jon runs a hand over his face. Jesus. "Ryan–"

"I'm going downstairs, check on Brendon." He gets up and Jon keeps lying there, watching as Ryan heads out of the room. He pauses in the doorway, hand resting on the door frame. Finally, he says quietly, "Spencer hasn't ever really been mine, you know? Not since he found Brendon. And like I said before, Brendon's been in love with him since the beginning."

He turns his head and Jon watches his profile. "But I've got you. Don't I, Jon Walker?" It sounds conceited, imperious, the way he asks. But Jon can hear the plea underneath it. It's true, so he answers truthfully.

"Yeah. Yeah, you do."

 


End file.
